Helping Students Make Big Life Decisions

 The question of how to achieve success whilst maintaining a sense of purpose, balance and inner calm, is the holy grail - not only for schools these days - but also in the workplace and in our daily lives.

You only need to open a newspaper to know that the levels of stress, anxiety and mental health issues are on the rise, and the rates amongst children are higher than ever before, especially in this post-Covid generation. A key question, therefore is: 

How do we best support students to learn, grow and cope well under pressure?  

In my experience, one of the best methods lies in adopting a coaching approach to both school and life, as this empowers the individual to find their own answers and to make decisions with confidence, clarity, and conviction.

This skill is one of coaching’s greatest assets and it can be learned through knowing which questions to ask, as well as when and how. 

Whilst working recently with the new cohort of prefects at Sherborne School and Sherborne Girls, we explored the concept of what leadership means, and in particular, how to find your authentic style of leadership so you can lead from a place that inspires others and also feels true to you.

When first taking on a role of responsibility, one of the biggest challenges for students often lies in the conflict of wanting to help other students and gain respect from them, but also needing to avoid taking on too much emotional strain and being able to cope well with the pressures of school life at a crucial time in their lives.

To help the prefects learn how to empower others to take ownership of their decisions as well as feeling heard and connected with, we focused our initial training session on the key skill of active listening. This often sounds overly simplistic and many people view themselves as good listeners, so the first important step is to analyse how we each approach listening and holding conversations. 

A quick 60-second exercise is a strong indicator of how comfortable we are with being present, staying silent, and holding space for the other person to speak. For some, this experience is a huge relief - the idea of not having to constantly think of something to respond with, allows a welcome break for the brain and also opens us up to a new sense of hearing what is being said - not just with our ears - but also through what we notice through with other senses too.  For some students, however, the fact that the conversation is not a constant exchange of one rapid repartee after another, can feel awkward and starkly different from daily life.

Experiencing what it’s like on the other side of being listened to, also has equally polarising responses. A majority find it a welcome change from everyday quick exchanges and even go on to describe the sensation of being truly heard “like a spa break” and one that allows you to gain a new perspective on topics that have previously felt overwhelming.

There are always some students though, who find the unfamiliarity of the whole experience rather uncomfortable as they are more accustomed to regularly being given advice and told what to do. After all, how often in a school day are students encouraged to make vital decisions? Such a great part of school life is regulated, that often the only key decisions students make are big choices that affect their futures, such as GCSE and A-level choices as well as destinations and courses for further education. No wonder then, that this decision-making process can feel so challenging!

If you would like to empower your teenage student, colleagues, or indeed friends and family members, to know how to make decisions with more confidence and conviction, here are some useful open questions that encourage them to explore their own beliefs, thought processes, and avoid the quick conversation closers of “yes/no” responses:

• What do you love doing so much that you don’t notice you’re doing it?

• What stops you from committing to something you believe in?

• If you felt no fear, what would you do next?

• What do you need to say “no” to, in order to make your goal a reality?

• What would it mean to achieve your goal?

And, when asking these questions, don’t be surprised at the power of holding back from offering your own opinions - you may be delighted to see your coachee coming to their own very meaningful conclusions.