How do you decide which university to choose?

And, how do you know if you've made the right decision?

This article was featured in the newsletter for The University Guys - who support applicants to overseas universities.

Making even the tiniest of decisions demands time, focus and energy. This is the reason that Steve Jobs, Creator of Apple, chose to wear the same self-allocated uniform, of jeans and a black sweater, on a daily basis. He believed that the demand on his inner resources each morning, of having to choose a new outfit to suit the day ahead, would deplete his energy reserves for the remainder of the day, and with significant business decisions to make, he chose this way of dressing as a means to keeping his focus sharp. 

So, how do you go about making a big decision? And, how do you know when you have made the right choice? For example: school, university, degree, career, life partner, house etc...? So many crucial and potentially life-changing choices are made at a young stage in our lives and it can be hard, scary and stressful to make the right choices. Because, what if we get it wrong? What if we don’t like the choice we’ve made? What if it feels like we’ve made a big mistake? 

The plot of the movie ‘Sliding Doors’ revolves around Helen (played by Gwyneth Paltrow), whose life takes her on two very different paths depending on whether or not she makes it through the doors of a subway train just as they are closing. In one version of her life (in which she gets on the train), she starts a new career, meets a different partner and leads a happy life – a far happier life compared to the other version she lives in which she misses that train. 

The thought of all these “what ifs...” can cause the process of making decisions to feel intense and challenging.   The more we think about them, the less we feel sure of the option we may be leaning towards. And indecision can feel like standing still in sinking sands. At the end of the day though, do we ever know 100% that we’ve made the right decision? Possibly, although such confidence is rare. One option we explore in coaching is to ask ourselves: 

What percentage is enough for me to feel happy to make this decision? 

Once we have reflected on this and found a percentage that we feel happy with, we can then explore the different avenues until we feel happy that this x% means we are committed enough to go ahead. 

However, what happens if we get it wrong? Do we get a second chance? Can we go back and change our minds? Or are we committed to a path and destiny from one or two decisions made in our youth?  Of course, there are many answers to these questions and it depends on the circumstance each time: sometimes, it is a “yes", and sometimes, a “no”. 

 What does not change, though, is the fact that we always have a choice as to how we respond to events. We can choose to let defeat and a sense of failure seep into our morale and define our actions, or we can consciously seek out alternative routes and view each new option as a positive chance to be creative with our choices. Being open to new possibilities, whilst also acknowledging that we do not always know where they are heading, is the key to taking decisive action.  

Another question to help you with your decision-making is this: 

What are you looking for in life: the thing or the feeling? 

There is a classic Brazilian story, as told by Paolo Coelho, about a businessman on a beach, who saw a fisherman coming in with his morning’s catch and asked him what he was planning to do for the rest of the day. The fisherman replied: 

“Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night. 

The businessman then suggested he stayed out longer to catch more fish and recommended systems to upscale his business so he could then sell it years later and retire a wealthy man. When the fisherman asked what he would do after that, the businessman told him: 

“After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!” 

To which, the puzzled fisherman, asked: 

“Well, isn’t that what I’m already doing?” 

The point is, we can sometimes be so busy in our lives, looking for the thing we think we want, that perhaps we fail to ask ourselves this key question: 

What can I do to feel the way I want to feel, in the here and now? 

And then, we can appreciate that we already have a choice to feel those emotions now, here in the present moment: an amazing gift to give ourselves. 

In the quest to find the perfect school, university, job, career, house, spouse etc... we can be at risk of delaying our happiness and neglecting the potential of joy in the present moment. The line “I’ll be happy / feel better when...” only serves to negate our emotions in the current time and what if we reach that perfect destination, but then we don’t feel the joy we hoped for?  Look at all the elite athletes who hit a devastating low once they have achieved what they have been working for, after years of training and sacrifice; or consider those who in their early twenties, who find themselves at a loss after achieving well all their lives, but then not knowing what is next once they have found the perfect job. 

Life is a series of highs and lows, not one majestic Hollywood ending. So, how to make the right choice of university? Look beyond the shiny website, the hearsay and the reputed name, and ask yourself: 

What am I searching for most right now, and how does that align with my values? 

How does that feel when I have it?  

And if I were to start feeling that now, how would that be?  

In so doing, the stress melts away as you realise that every day is a series of decisions, both big and small, and the sooner you check in with yourself and take decisive action, the quicker you will find fulfilment. You have the chance to create your own authentic life and one of which you will feel happy, proud and fulfilled to live on a daily basis, and not just for one short-lived climactic ending.